We have an awesome classic rock
station here in the Springs. I don’t have a radio in my office at work, and we
aren’t allowed to listen to radio stations online, so I have put most of my CD’s
on my computer, and don’t get me wrong I love having them on there. But they
are mostly classic country, a few classic rock bands (the Beatles and CCR), and
several of my favorite bands from today. So every morning, and every afternoon
I listen to classic rock, and well, have a concert in my SUV.
On Tuesdays they have two fer Tuesdays, and play two songs from the same artist
in a row. Last Tuesday coming home from work they played Joan Jett, first they
played “I love
rock n roll”, and then they
played “I hate myself for loving you”. I was singing at the top of my lungs,
having a great time. When the song was over I immediately thought, I so want to
be a rock star. That would so, be living the dream.
Like everyone else who grew up in
this country I wanted to be a rock star growing up, and lots of other things
too. I wanted to be a writer, and write books. I wanted to be a journalist, and
travel the world writing stories for magazines. I wanted to be a wildlife
photographer. I wanted to be a marine biologist. There were lots of things that
I wanted to be as a child. I wanted to live the dream.
When I was 9
our family took our first vacation to Colorado. We went to Lake City, and we
had so much fun. There is a lake there called Lake San Cristobal. It’s one of
the most beautiful lakes I’ve ever seen. We also rented a Jeep for the day and
went over Cinnamon Pass.
The road we took was, to say the
least, not wide enough. If you have ever been on one of the small dirt county
maintained roads in Colorado you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you
are sitting on the passengers side you can put our hand out the window and lay
it flat against the mountain. If you are on the drivers side? Well you can
stick your head out the window and look straight down and see the bottom of the
mountain. Needless to say it was exhilarating and scary at the same time. And
you have ever road in the car with Max driving? Well I was 9 then, but I would
question my sanity if I road with him on a road like that today. To make
matters worse there was a truck and camper about half way down the side that
had slide off the road. When we finally started down hill, the clutch on the
jeep went out. At the time I didn’t understand what that meant, so in my head
when were all going to DIE!!
Of course we didn’t. And that was
one of my favorite vacations of all time. When it was time to go home, we
stopped and went fishing at the lake just one more time. Dillon caught a
beautiful Rainbow Trout. He was so happy. Max told him to get it off the hook
and throw it back, so we could leave. I don’t remember much about the drive
home. We were all exhausted and probably slept the whole way.
I do remember telling God that someday I was going to live in Colorado. On the way to lake City we drove over a pass in southern Colorado. If I remember right it was state hwy 165. It goes through Colorado City, to Rye, and then Lake San Isabel. Between Rye, and San Isabel there is a place where there are no trees when you're looking toward the east. This view is one of the first times in my life I knew in my heart that there is something bigger out there than my daddy. The feeling of over whelming goodness, like, well, peace that passes all understanding. It was the presence of God. At the time I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I thought that I just thought it was a beautiful place, and dreamed of living there. The view is indescribable, its like you can see Kansas, or ever further. It’s still one of my favorite places to go, and we go to Lake San Isabel, frequently during the summer.
Lake San Isabel
Lake City Colorado
Cinnamon Pass
When we were kids we actually
took a lot of vacations. By a lot I mean, living on a dairy daddy couldn’t just
up and take us anywhere. I thought it was awesome that he took us places that
were different than Valley View. I mean let’s face it, Valley View ain’t got
NOTHING on Colorado. When I was in the fourth grade he took us to the
Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. We were so excited. Not only were we going to
get to go to a huge city, and maybe see the ocean for the first time. We got to
skip school for a whole week. What’s better than that? I honestly don’t
remember a whole lot about the trip. I remember going to the cattle barns at
the show. I can’t remember if we went to the rodeo or not, or even what our
hotel was like. But I do remember getting a tour of Astro Stadium. They took us
though on of the VIP Boxes, and it was amazing. I remember this huge long
wooden bar, with a gold handle all the way down the front. (LOL, there’s more
than a little irony there.) The carpet was so soft, and a beautiful red. It
was so cool.
Astrodome
The next day, I think, we went to
Galveston. This was the first time I had been to an island. It was also the
first time I road over a bridge that high and over that much water. It wasn’t
Willis Bridge, for sure. I don’t know if we went straight to Seawall Blv, or
not. I know we stayed the night in Galveston.
Galveston
Texas
When we were driving down the
Seawall Blv, we could see the ocean, but not really well. We stopped at a
parking lot close to a hotel that is out over the water on stilts. And I swear
Dillon, and I saw a shark fin right by one of the silts the hotel is on. Of
course looking back who knows what we saw. It could have been a dolphin, it
could have even been our over active imaginations. When we got out of the car
and ran down to the beach I was floored. I remember just sitting down right at
the edge of the water. The sand was all wet, and it was February, so it wasn’t
exactly warm. But looking at the water I had that same indescribable feeling.
Like I was seeing something bigger than daddy. I was filled with emotions, that
at that age I really didn’t understand. But again, it was peaceful, a good
feeling, like everything was going to be ok. It was the presence of God, again.
I don’t remember telling god I
was going to live by the ocean after that, but I may have. In later years I
thought about what a dream come true it would be if I could live by the ocean.
Ok, so back to living the dream. I’m honest enough to say that all the bad
stuff I’ve been through as an adult was my fault, I made bad choices, and had
lots of self-loathing. When I woke up at 35 and looked at my life? Well I was
NOT living the dream; in fact I wasn’t even close to the dream. I didn’t even
know what the dream was, or what it should be.
The last few years as I have
worked on getting to a better place in life, I just wanted to be happy. I
wanted to have a good life for me and my kids. As I worked toward that goal
(I’m still working toward it, and probably always will be), my dreams started
changing. When people asked what I wanted out of life, my answer was becoming
simpler, and easier. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be the best mother,
daughter, friend I could possibly be.
In June of 2007 the company I work for made an announcement in a meeting
for all the employees. They were moving the company to Colorado Springs, and
wanted to offer some of us an opportunity to move with the company.
I was like WHOA, WHAT?? That also
happened to be the day that I had to report to county jail for driving with a
suspended drivers license. I went to the noon meeting, and was planning to run
home and get a few things done before I had to report. I sobbed through the
entire meeting. I mean I barely held it together. After the meeting a friend
said to me “Rhonda, lots of people have gone to jail. You are only going to be
there for 5 days.” I laughed and said, “I’m not sad about going to jail. I
found out today that I’m moving to Colorado.”
I’ve
been here since December 2007, and it still amazes me. I live at the base of
Pike’s Peak. We have a really cute neighbor, a brown bear that’s probably about
a year old. It lives behind out townhouse. In the mornings I drive by Garden of
the Gods to get to work. The morning sun shines on the red sandstone of the
formations, and makes them look like gold. We have s stream across the street
that’s full of trout. It’s truly like being on vacation every single day.
Most importantly, I met a man
that loves me more than life it’s self. And he loves my children like they are
is own flesh and blood. I have a family here that loves us more than anything
in the world. I’ve made friends here that are some of the best friends I’ve
ever had in my life. Plus I’ve come to realize I’ve that my friends and family
back in Texas love me more than I ever realized. That I took them for granted
for far too long, and I miss them everyday.
Living the dream?? You’re damn right I’m living the dream. Not only that but
I’m living the life God wants me to have, because with out him none of this
would have been possible.
I wonder some times if I ever
felt like it did on that mountain, and on the beach again, and just don’t
remember. I don’t think so. I’m not even sure if I will ever truly have that
peace in me again. Truthfully if those two times end up being the only times in
my life that I will have that feeling, I will always see it as a blessing that
I was able to feel that peace at all. Some people go through this life and
never get to have that experience.
All in all, I don’t think I could have dreamed this life that I have now. It’s
so much better than I thought life could be. And I thank god everyday that he
gave all this to me.
PS: Dillon threw his Rainbow
Trout in the truck of the car. He didn’t want to let it go, he wanted to eat
it, I think. So one thing I do remember about the trip home is stopping
somewhere and getting the fish out of the trunk. I can’t remember how long it took
to get that smell out of mom’s car though.
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