Work in Progress

I was going to write a short piece tonight about myself, ya know? I'm Rhonda; I grew up in Valley View, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. But if you are reading this you probably know all that already. Will I eventually get into all that?? Probably.

     The thing is, that girl that grew up in Texas, well she's fading away. It's not a bad thing; it just is what it is. Whether anyone knows it or not, I didn't really like that girl. So, part of what I'm working on in my life is becoming the person I want to be. I get to choose who I am. I'm sure lots of people don't agree with that, but I believe it's true. I get to look at myself back then, and now, and all the time in between, and I get to choose the end result. I get to choose the best parts of me, and throw the rest away. It ain't easy, trust me, but it is extremely exciting. Somewhere in the last 40??-ish?? years I veered so far off of my path in life that I don't know who I was back then. Today I get to choose the path I want, and if it turns out I'm not happy with the path I chose? I can find another one. I think this is becoming clearer to me very day. Some would say I'm becoming the person God wanted me to be all along, but I'm starting to see it more as God is giving me the tools to become the person I want to be. I don’t think God has expectations of we who should be. If He did, He would have given us the tools to be that person all along. I used to believe that was true; that the path I’m on is the path to being what God wanted me to be all along. Today when I hear that the first thing that pops in my head? Well there goes free will.

     One thing I truly understand is change is hard. It’s much easier to just go through life thinking only of myself. Not caring if I hurt people along the way. Not caring that to get what I want, I’ll do anything, even if it’s step all over the people who I love and care about. Not caring what anyone else needs, wants, dreams of, works for, or even fights to have. Your problem not mine, do it yourself and leave me out of it. Don’t ask me to help you get where you want to be in life. But I guarantee I EXPECTED everyone to be there when I needed something.

     Was that me when I was still a child? Was that me when I was a teenager? Was that me when I was married, and had two incredible children? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. In the last seven years I’ve learned that even though I didn’t think I was like that back then I was. I’ve learned the true extent of the selfishness I lived in everyday. I’ve learned it’s my responsibility to go out there and get what I want, and if I need help, ask. I’ve learned that one of most important things in my life is to be of service to God, and my fellow man. Where did I learn all this?? Alcoholics Anonymous.

Really?? In AA? I learned all of this in AA?

Yes,

Ya gotta start somewhere……