Ok, yes I'm a nut job!

Ok, I have a confession to make...

I really think it's weird that I don't know what everyone is thinking or doing. Like Maya came home this weekend, but I haven't known what she was thinking or doing all summer. She's at the arcade down the street right now, and I don't know what she's thinking or doing. Mason lives in Tulsa and I have no idea what he is thinking right now. We just had a "herd" of young people walk in front of the house and they were laughing and yelling at each other. But I don't know that they were all having fun, because I'm not in their head hearing their thoughts. This isn't something that just popped in my head this summer, I've thought bout this along time and at length. 

Now’s the time for those how don’t know me well to decide if they want too. And for those of you who do know me well??  You know who you are (Dawn Hollar, and Karen Brumley, among MANY others) this doesn’t come as a surprise. And yes I’m in therapy, and yes I’m still on my meds. J

When I lived on the east coast I made a couple girlfriends that I will have for the rest of my life. Period. I still feel as close to them today as I did they last time I saw them and that was back in ’96, and we were only what 16? LOL! Another reminder of our age ladies, sorry. My point is I didn’t know what they were doing a lot of those years. I reconnected with Marion several times through the years, and in March of 2009 we found each other on Facebook. It’s like we were never apart. Michelle and I didn’t reconnect until January 2011. I looked online for her, but never seemed to find her. She finally found me again, on Facebook. We all just picked back up where we were. A little older, a lot wiser (or grown-up?) but I still feel that closeness that we had back then.

This shouldn’t surprise me. After I moved to Colorado I reconnected with several friends I had while growing up. Funny how that stuff works, I lived in Valley View from 1996 until 2007 and I didn’t reconnect with some of the best friends I’ve ever had until I moved away. They all lived within 20-30 miles of Valley View or less the whole time. Part of that is me being sober. I’ve been sober since September 2005, but I moved here in December 2007. I think part of me wouldn’t have wanted to move if I’d been close to them again, and everyone one of them would say this is where I belong. I’ve gotten close to girls from high school again, girls I haven’t talked to since graduation And it’s honestly weird to me that I didn’t know what they were doing all these years. Is it because of the connection we have regained? Something that we had before and I didn’t know? I was pretty oblivious to a lot of what was happening around me back then. For lots of reasons, and that’s a whole other blog, and therapy session.

Part of the point is I didn’t know what people around me were thinking? And that is weird to me. I don’t know maybe I think we should all have esp or something? I promise that you don’t want to walk around in here. LOL the other part is I don’t know what people around me now are thinking. What’s going through your mind right now? I’m not trying to be nosey, and I’m not worried if you don’t like me. I want everyone to like me, but that’s not up to me, and none of my business really. But what are you thinking of right this minute? Something on TV? Your kids, spouse, family? Friends? Work? What goes through your mind in a normal 24-hour period?  Mine races about 70% of the time, but that is getting much better. And before I got sober it raced 99% of the time. I could easily have a million thoughts an hour, sometimes all unrelated. Is that normal? I’ve been told yes, and I’ve been told no. Which is it?

I wonder if part of my problem is my sister?? How many times have I said that in my life?? Love ya Cindy. All kidding aside I used to say that she was my best friend, ever period. But she’s not my friend, she’s my sister and as much as I love my friends (some are like sisters. Again another blog, you know who you are, and probably more therapy. LOL Example; I know exactly what Dawn Hollar will say about this blog. I have no doubt in my mind) And if I get still enough right now I can tell you what Cindy is thinking. I’m right on most of the time, and I bet she would say the same about me. The last week while I was in the hospital and in bed after my appendectomy I knew what she was thinking with out her telling me, that she should be here, that I needed her here. I would have thought the same thing if it had been her. We have a different connection, one that I can’t explain. Probably because we are a lot a like, and we shared a room for like ever. It’s just that we are like the same person sometimes.

I don’t know where I’m going with all this it’s just stuff that’s been rolling around up there for a couple weeks, and thought maybe I needed to get it out?